The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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