I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
