I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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