this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
