Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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