glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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