I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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