hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
