He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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