I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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