there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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