i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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