Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize