I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
two words: eviction party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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