I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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