I'm so fucking centered right now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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