worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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