She is in my trunk
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
