Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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