You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
