@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
