I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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