i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize