wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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