Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
