don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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