Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
