How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
