i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My vagina just recognized that song.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
