did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
