i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
