I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
