it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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