I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
