ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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