You can't motorboat a personality
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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