Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
