I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
