Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
