so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
