Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
even my farts smell like vagina
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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