Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
