You just made me feel so damn special
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
