so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
