On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize