my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
