I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
