your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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