I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize