On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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