I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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