Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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