I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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