no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
