Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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