i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
