I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
