No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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