I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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