i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
false alarm, still single
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
