Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
