going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
should my penis look like a turkey
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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