Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
