Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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