She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
