Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
