And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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